


The Stolen Voice

by kyoselflove



Category: Jrock, the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Explicit Language, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:14:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2745536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yutaka always lived an unusual life where he always felt he was on the brink of insanity.  Trying to keep his mind in check was taking its toll.  One night, Yutaka thought he had finally lost it. But what if it was for the better?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Most would find the library a suitable place to study, but Yutaka found himself with nothing done, the environment feeling to hostile. The textbook opened in front of him showed words that were zilch, nothing more than ink bedded inside the paper. Instead he found himself counting in his head, along with every second as the large analog clock on the wall continued to move. _Tick, 301, tick, 302, tick, 303, tick, 304, tick, 305._ He always had to leave it ending with zero or five.

A few other students looked over at him, whispering and giggling. Closing his textbook, he held it in front of him against his chest and ran out of the library. If he wanted to study proper, he would need an absolute quiet location. Being at home was completely out of the question; his parents could never hold their tongues for any longer than two minutes, tops. The reason why he owned a very nice pair of headphones.

Even though the air was beginning to chill as it became closer to winter, Yutaka wondered into a local park, hoping to find solitude. He was thankful that there were no birds out, the park being far enough away from the road, there were no disturbances other than a gust of wind every now and then. 

Finding an empty bench, he sat down and placed his messenger bag to the side of him, flattening out the flap before opening it and withdrawing his textbook. With both of his feet planted on the dirt sidewalk, he rested the book on his thighs, finding his spot.

Yutaka didn’t really need to study; he could pass his exams without it. But the act itself made him feel like a normal student, an image he was trying his best to achieve. Movement in his peripheral vision made him look away from his text. When he looked around the park he found nothing, shrugging it off and looked back down at his various numerical problems. But it happened again, this time he was sure someone else was here. “Hello?” Yutaka called out, his soft voice carrying throughout the empty park.

Another glimpse of black to his right made him stand off the bench quickly, knocking his textbook to the ground. “Hello?” He called out again, this time his voice had risen with a tremor. A surge of adrenaline coursed through him, his heart beating faster. A loud crack startled him; turning in the direction of the sound he saw a branch falling from a bare tree. Maybe he had finally lost his mind.

Looking down at the ground, he let out a hiss and swiftly picked up his fallen textbook, dusting it off. Carefully, he placed his book back in his bag, he wanted to leave now, studying could wait. As he stood with the strap of his bag wrapped around his chest, he straightened out his winter coat.

Down the path was a man, cloaked in all black; he was too far away, so Yutaka couldn’t see his face. But he could make out that his eyes were piercing; the only thing in their line of vision was Yutaka. He let out a sharp breath, the cold air making his breath visible, clouding over the image of the man, chills running down his spine. Then he was gone, Yutaka’s eyes frantically moved around the park but there was no one in sight. Finally his human instinct took over and he made a run for it. Thankfully, the mysterious figure never made another appearance as he continued to run all the way home, the sun already setting below the horizon. 

The first thing he noticed when he got home was the absurd welcome mat his mother had bought was crooked; he diligently made it straight then unlocked his door. As he entered, the house was eerily quiet. When he went to flick on the light switch, nothing happened. Digging through his bag, he found his cell phone and used the screen as a flashlight. “Mom? Dad?” They both should be home from work by now. 

Yutaka was expecting the worse possible scenario, the man at the park leaving him unnerved. Instead, he found a note on the kitchen counter written by his mother’s hand.  
 __  
Yutaka,  
Your father and I had to leave suddenly to visit your grandfather. Please find a place to stay at the university. We shut off the power and water.

_-Mom_

Crumpling up the paper, Yutaka threw it into the wastebasket, how thoughtful of his parents. Stay where at the university? Did they think it had some kind of free room and board? Now that the tension had left him, he realized how cold the house actually was. 

He decided his best bet was to warm up at a restaurant and grab a bite to eat at the same time, then he could figure out what to do. The walk to the fast food joint didn’t take long; he received his food and sat down. Maybe he could find a way to stay at one of his classmate’s dorm. As he took small bites of his teriyaki beef, he scrolled through his cell phone. Sending a text to the only person he sort of knew, Kouyou, he put the phone down and continued to finish his meal.

The feeling of eyes on him disrupted his routine again, he glanced around the restaurant but everyone was minding their own business. Gazing out the window, he saw a boy who looked his age, on the shorter side with shoulder length brown hair. Strangely he was staring at Yutaka and appeared to be soaking wet but it wasn’t raining. Thinking that he might need some help Yutaka grabbed his phone and stood only to find that the man was gone when he looked again. 

His phone beeped loudly making him almost scream out, people around him giving an odd look. These mysterious men that decided to stalk him and give him stare downs were taking a toll on his sanity. Sitting back down, he read the text that Kouyou sent him, giving him the okay to head over. Once again he soon found himself fleeing to his destination.

Yutaka rapidly knocked on dorm room two hundred and two. _202, this was such a bad sign._ Trying to ignore the superstitious number, he forced out a smile when Kouyou opened the door. “Hey Yutaka.”

He made his way inside the overly trashed room, clothes everywhere along with takeout boxes littered along the man’s desk. Yutaka cringed but tried to refrain from letting it get to him. “Hey.” He said as Kouyou cleared more junk off a chair. Once the seat was vacant, Yutaka sat down with his legs tightly together.

Kouyou let out a laugh, “Relax!”

Many people would make remarks like that, do to the way he likes to sit, but he just ignores it. “Thanks for letting me stay.” Yutaka said quietly, glancing around the room to the other bed, which he assumed belonged to Kouyou’s roommate. “Where will I be sleeping?”

“Sleeping? Don’t you want to go party?” Kouyou scoffed, digging through his closet. “Either way, you can have Yuu's bed since he’s probably getting lucky tonight elsewhere.” 

A party? That was the last thing Yutaka wanted to do. He just wanted quiet, Kouyou was loud and the television he had on wasn’t helping either. Why did Kouyou have it on if he wasn’t even watching it? Yutaka’s eyes were glued to the screen when he saw a familiar face appear. The soaked boy from before, he was on the news and they were saying he was missing. “I saw him.” Yutaka mumbled. 

Kouyou turned around after finding suitable party clothes and looked at the TV then at Yutaka. “You’ve seen Matsumoto? When? He’s been missing for weeks.” 

“I just saw him not even an hour ago when I was eating. Do you know him?” Yutaka replied, he couldn’t take his eyes off the screen. The picture that they used of Matsumoto was a far cry from what he saw not too long ago. On TV he was smiling, looking genuinely happy. When he saw him on the street, he saw someone who was broken. All along he thought his mind was playing tricks on him but here he was, a real person.

“Fuck, you should call the police! Yeah, I have a class with him.” Kouyou was staring at him wide eyed. If he really wanted to be found, why did he disappear when Yutaka went to try and help him? “Maybe, he’s just a runaway.” That wouldn’t explain why he was drenched when it was almost freezing outside. “Or not.”

“I’m serious Yutaka, call the police and tell them where you saw him.” Kouyou said and then went to get changed, leaving Yutaka alone. What good would that really do? Yutaka decided he might as well, in case it did help find him. Looking up the local police station’s number on his phone, he hit send.

A woman answered and with artificial politeness asked how she could help. “I have some information about the boy that’s missing.”

“Okay, let me direct you to a detective.” She said and then he was put on hold, he patiently sat there waiting.

“Hello?” A tired male voice answered.

“Um, hi. I have information about Matsumoto Takanori.” Yutaka said, clearing his throat, after reading off the missing boy’s name he turned off the TV as it was getting on his nerves.

“Go ahead.” Came a gruff reply.

“Just about an hour ago I saw him standing outside Miku’s Café. He seemed catatonic and was dripping wet. I was about to go outside and offer him help but he disappeared.” Even though Takanori was staring at him, he decided to leave that part out, still not sure if it was his mind messing with him.

“Okay, thank you. We will look into it.” Then he hung up, Yutaka stared at the phone a little shocked, that was just a little bit rude. Hopefully, what little information he gave would help but it seemed the detective didn’t care, he knew it was useless.

Kouyou came back in wearing skintight jeans and a tank top that rode up a little every time he moved, exposing his flat stomach. Then he threw on a hoodie and put on some lace up boots. “You coming?”

“No, thanks. Not really my thing.” Yutaka said, making Kouyou let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Of course it isn’t. Make yourself at home!” Kouyou smiled and gave him a wave before leaving.

He half hoped that Kouyou would, as he put it, gets lucky, so the dorm room would be all his tonight. Examining his bed for the night, he concluded that they were clean. After straightening out the sheets and folding back the cover, Yutaka slip into the small bed with his clothes all still on, besides his coat. He turned off the light and stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come.

The feeling he had at the restaurant washed over him again, goose bumps raised on his arms. Sitting up in the bed, he looked around the dark room, nothing. Separating the blinds over the window, he looked down to the dimly lit parking lot below. There flailing his arms around to get Yutaka’s attention (or so it seemed) was Takanori. Yutaka gasped, he was still soaking wet, a long white t-shirt clinging to his body and he appeared to be screaming but Yutaka couldn’t hear it.

When a couple of girls walked by laughing not even a few inches away from Takanori, he began to panic, already on the verge of hyperventilating. Quickly, he moved away from the window and hit the wall; he leaned against it closing his eyes tightly. He had to be dreaming, this wasn’t real. If it were real, those girls would have acknowledged Takanori’s presence. He just had to wake up.

But he didn’t awaken, because he never fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The room was silent, still dark, enough though the sun was starting to rise, a blue hue entering through the window. Yutaka knew it was windy and probably still cold. Also the rope dangling from the school’s flag was clanking against its pole in the parking lot. He had already counted a thousand and five clinks. Still siting on Yuu’s bed with his head resting on his knees, he kept his eyes wide open.

It had been hours; surely it was safe now, right? In a moment to test his own sanity, he peeked over at the window. Scooting over closer, his fingers crept over the blinds, slowly pulling them apart he looked down to where Takanori was before. No one was there. Yutaka didn’t really know what to gain from that bit of information but he couldn’t help but feel relieved. 

Hearing a sound at the door had him backing up against the wall, putting his hands over his ear, he tried to block it out. Tears were threatening to spill but stopped when he saw Kouyou’s shocked face. Also, he noted Yuu standing next to him. “Yutaka…are you okay?”

“Shit Kou, you let the loose cannon sleep in my bed?” Yuu said while taking off his shoes.

“Yuu, come on!” Kouyou shouted at his roommate. 

“I-I have to go!” Yutaka grabbed his bag, shoved on his shoes and was out the door before Kouyou could stop him. Mentally, he made a note to remember and thank his classmate for letting him spend the night, even if he hadn’t enjoyed his stay.

With only one other option for a place to go, he had no choice but to head to his currently vacant home. He took the train there, the whole time he couldn’t help but feel paranoid that Takanori was still following him. Yutaka really, truly hoped that wasn’t the case.

As soon as he arrived at his house he rushed upstairs, the air in his room was frigid due to the lack of heating. Taking as many blankets as he could find, he curled up on his bed and tried to get some sleep. In a few hours he would have to make it to class, so any amount of rest would be most appreciated. 

Even with the chilled air, it didn’t take him long to fall into a deep slumber. Amidst his sleep, he dreamed that Takanori came into his room. Visibly still wet, purple lips, and with an angry red mark around his neck. All he wore was the long soaked t-shirt, his thighs showing along with his legs and bare feet. Standing in his room, Takanori tried to speak but every time his mouth opened water would rush out and dribble down his chin. When he fell against Yutaka’s bed and grabbed his arm, a murky liquid gushed out of his mouth and Takanori struggled out his word, “Please!” Yutaka jolted awake, as it felt so vivid. 

Looking down at his arm, he saw damp marks of fingerprints on his sleeve. Upon seeing it, Yutaka jumped out of bed, looking around his room as if Takanori was really here. What else could possibly explain this? The fingerprints weren’t really there; his mind was playing tricks on him. That’s all it was, it had to be.

Yanking his shirt over his head, he threw it to the ground. Finding an untouched shirt, he put it on and sat back down on his bed. Noticing a puddle of water in the corner of his room where Takanori stood in his dream set him off. He tapped his fingers, repeatedly on his thigh and began to count. Eventually his breathing became normal again but he couldn’t stop staring at the pool of liquid on his floor.

Not bothering to change the rest of his outfit, he grabbed his school bag and left his house before something else happened. He just wanted to get to class, that was all that mattered right now.

The first class he had today was music fundamentals. One that he enjoyed, today they would be able to do as they pleased and experiment with any instrument. His instructor, Suzuki Akira, was also one of the only professors that didn’t treat him like he was a freak.

Only downside was that Kouyou also had this class with him. Not really in the mood to explain his outburst earlier this morning, Yutaka rushed into the classroom, sitting in the front while Kouyou sat in the back. After securing his school bag on the seat next to him, Yutaka sat straight and waited quietly for class to begin, while the other students conversed amongst themselves.

“Alright everyone. How was your weekend?” Akira entered the classroom, putting down a stack of papers on his desk. Everyone but Yutaka mumbled or yelled out their replies, including a few laughs.

“Since exams are coming up there is no new material to be learned. In that case, think of it as a free day to play the instruments or ask me questions.” Akira sat at his desk as the students went throughout the large room to select their preferred piece.

Before he could move Kouyou sat down next to him. “What happened this morning Yutaka? You looked…sick.” 

“I just didn’t sleep well that’s all.” Yutaka tried his best to hide his discomfort and stood up.

“About what Yuu said…don’t mind him. He’s an asshole.” Kouyou looked at him with sincere eyes, as much as Yutaka was grateful for his classmate trying to comfort him, he couldn’t deal with that right now.

“Thanks for letting me stay.” He said before he would forget.

“No problem, you can stay whenever you want, okay? Yuu is hardly there.” Standing up also, Kouyou gave him a nod before walking away.

While everyone was busy and Akira was left alone, Yutaka took it as an opportunity to talk him, tuning out the racket the other students were making. Hoisting his bag on his shoulder, he made his way to his instructor. “Hello Akira.” People would find it unusual to address your professor by their given name but Akira said he preferred it that way.

“Yutaka, how are you?” Akira’s smile was wide; he dropped his pen on the desk and kept his gaze on Yutaka.

A newspaper on Akira’s desk took ahold of Yutaka’s attention, Takanori on the front page. A different picture from the one on the news, he noticed Takanori was wearing a cross necklace, scanning through the article, he read that apparently this picture showed him what he was wearing when he was last seen. The long white shirt he recognized, with a black overcoat and dark jeans. That cross though, Takanori wasn’t wearing it when he saw him. “Did you know Taka?”

Yutaka frowned at his words and at the nickname; Akira talked as if he Takanori was dead, even though the voice in his head was screaming out the obvious. “No I don’t know him.”

Akira nodded, “Such a shame. He was a great student.” 

“He’s still out there, waiting to be found.” In his mind, Yutaka was trying to convince himself that; he meant Takanori was to be discovered alive, but it seemed more and more likely that Takanori’s body was somewhere ready to be located.

“It’s been over two weeks, I’m afraid if they do find him it wont be good news.” Giving a shrug, Akira looked at him.

Yutaka leaned against his professor’s desk, “There have been several cases in which people are found after being missing for months, even years.”

“Yes, several to over thousands. Those odds aren’t in his favor.” Again, Yutaka found himself frowning and Akira noticed. “I’m just looking at this realistically, Yutaka.”

Kouyou who had been standing nearby decided to speak up, “Actually, Yutaka saw Takanori last night.”

That had suddenly peaked his professor’s interest, Yutaka saw Akira’s brow crease. “Is that so? Did you tell the police Yutaka?”

“Yes.” Right about now he wished there was certain strength in his body to tell Kouyou off. 

Suddenly, he felt his lungs constrict causing him a suffocating pain. He let out a gasp as it became worse; Akira’s expression changed into a worried one as he stood up and came closer to him. Akira placed his hand on Yutaka’s arm, “Yutaka? What’s wrong?” At the contact, Yutaka stepped away and headed out of the classroom, ignoring Kouyou’s call out to him once again.

He rushed himself into the bathroom, locking the stall door he fell down to his knees in front of the toilet. It didn’t feel like he was going to vomit but something was coming up, still he found his airway blocked, it felt as if he was drowning. Gripping the toilet seat tight, he could do nothing else as a flow of water came out of his mouth, clearing his lungs. The liquid tinged green with a taste that Yutaka could only explain as river water. What appeared to be plants floating in the toilet bowl confirmed this. Question was how the hell did river water get into his lungs in the middle of class?

This was real, actually happening, in the present; Akira had seen him struggling to breathe. Although, there was still a possibility that maybe he had a panic attack and when he was alone he lost his sanity. Now he seriously was having a panic attack. Quickly he flushed the toilet, wanting all the evidence to drain away.

“Yutaka?” Kouyou was standing outside the stall, not now please, not now. “I’m really worried about you.”

Letting out a shaky breath he stood up, “I’m fine.” What a lie that was.

Opening the stall door, he saw Kouyou leaning against the sinks with his arms crossed. “You are not. Back in the classroom you went so pale. What happened?”

“Just a little sick, that’s all.” Yutaka stood next to Kouyou and turned on the water, he flinched when it started to pour out. Scooping up a handful, he drank some to cleanse the earthy taste still lingering in his mouth but it wouldn’t wash away.

“You may be smart Yutaka but you fucking suck at lying.” Kouyou unfolded him arms, giving him a look up and down. 

Yutaka didn’t care, why did he have to give Kouyou anything? He didn’t even know him. The water continued out of the faucet in a slow drip, Yutaka watched, counting each drop. _One, two, three, four, five._ What was so significant about water? Water was symbolized as purification and life. But the water he had tasted was nothing but corruption and death. 

“Yutaka?” He forgot Kouyou was still here. There was one way he could find out if it was all really in his head. Turning towards Kouyou, he pressed their lips together. In shock, Kouyou opened his mouth letting Yutaka dip his tongue inside; he slid it over Kouyou’s then moved away.

“What do I taste like?” Yutaka asked while Kouyou brought a hand to his own mouth.

“W-what?” Kouyou looked at him with wide eyes.

Letting out a sigh, he moved against Kouyou and brought their mouths together again. This time Kouyou kissed him back, even moaning a little. When Yutaka pulled away, Kouyou was breathing a little heavier than normal. “What do I taste like?” He repeated again. _Please say anything else besides what I am afraid to hear_ , Yutaka thought.

Overcoming what just happened, Kouyou finally answered his question. “Like…nature? Really weird actually but oddly fitting.” Taking a step back, Kouyou let out a nervous laugh. “You aren’t going to tell me you love me or something…are you?”

“Of course not.” Yutaka couldn’t possibly ever love Kouyou. No offense to the fellow student but he wasn’t that bright and his promiscuous ways were beyond disturbing. 

“Okay, good.” Kouyou cleared his throat, cheeks flushed, “And don’t tell anyone about this!” 

Yutaka was glad when Kouyou left the bathroom. He gazed at his sickly reflection in the mirror, trying to gather the facts in his head. Fact number one, he just coughed up river water. Fact number two, Takanori was trying to send him some kind of message. He was pretty much clueless on the rest; for example, he didn’t even want to know how all of this was possible.

“What are you trying to tell me Takanori?” Yutaka whispered to himself, or so he thought. In the mirror, he saw the missing boy standing behind him, their eyes locked. He tried to keep his heartbeat in check as they continued to stare at each other, Takanori’s eyes seemingly dull and lifeless. Just when he was about to turn around to see if Takanori was really there, he heard a sound to the side, the bathroom door was closing. Did someone just see him talking to himself? Not that it mattered; everyone here already thought he was crazy. When he looked behind him Takanori was gone.

Fact number three; Akira was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tired....sorry for mistakes. Could you tell that my inspiration is Japanese horror films? xD Don't hate me ^^;  
> <3


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of class had gone without further incidents, luckily. Although Akira had took him aside and told him he wanted to have a word with him after the class was over. Yutaka hoped it wasn’t going to be a discussion about what had happened to him earlier. But he could only be so hopeful; here he was alone in the classroom with Akira, both sitting at his desk facing one another.

“Yutaka, are you okay?” Akira leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

“I’m fine.” He tried to assure but Akira wasn’t buying into it.

Yutaka sat with his spine perfectly straight, one hand rested on his bag and the other on his professor’s desk. Akira placed a hand on top of Yutaka’s making him flinch as his instructor gave it a squeeze. “We’re friends, right?” Nodding was all he could do, feeling more uncomfortable by each passing moment.

“Then why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?” Akira’s voice was smooth and almost set his tired mind into a trance.

Yutaka bit the inside of his cheek, “My parents left town and I haven’t been getting much sleep because they turned off the power.”

“Yutaka, you should have told me sooner. I can set you up in one of the empty dorms.” Giving his hand another squeeze, Akira smiled at him.

“I don’t have enough money for that.” Shaking his head, Yutaka took his hand away, not being able to take the touch any longer.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” Akira stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Yutaka stood up as well, letting the hand on him fall off his shoulder. “Thank you Akira.”

Akira nodded and Yutaka left the classroom. Running out of the school building all together; his breathing started to become quicker and his heartbeat was racing. Once he was outside, he felt like he could breathe again. A hand on his shoulder made him jump and gasp.

“Whoa! I’m sorry!” Kouyou stood there with his hands up in defense.

Yutaka let out a sigh, his grip tightening on his bag’s strap. “I don’t like to be touched.”

Kouyou laughed until he saw the serious expression on Yutaka’s face. “You don’t like to be touched but you can shove your tongue down other people’s throats?”

“Correction, I don’t like people touching me. I can touch them.” Yutaka began to walk away, not bothering to know if Kouyou was following him or not.

Kouyou soon caught up to him anyways and Yutaka had decided that Kouyou had the widest smile he had ever seen. “Oh, so you like to be in control then?”

Giving a shrug, he didn’t care to explain himself any further, no one wanted to try and understand him anyways. But Kouyou satyed by his side and kept talking. “Where are you going?”

“I’m looking for clues.” Yutaka replied as he walked towards the administration building. Kouyou jogged in front of Yutaka, making him stop in his tracks.

“Clues for what?” His fellow classmate looked at him curiously.

“I’m going to find Takanori.” He went to try and maneuverer away from Kouyou but failed to do so.

“Seriously? And what makes you think you can do that?” Yutaka had enough; he bumped into Kouyou’s shoulder making him move out of his way. But he could hear Kouyou whine behind him and reluctantly he stopped and turned towards him. “I’m sorry okay? Just let me help you.”

“Do you know where Takanori lived?” It hurt for him to use the past tense but he knew the truth now. Kouyou flinched slightly but didn’t question him.

“Yeah. I do.” All joking had removed itself from Kouyou’s tone, nothing left but sorrow.

“Will you show me then?” Yutaka moved closer to Kouyou. “Please?”

Exactly thirty minutes later they were both standing in front of the Matsumoto residence. Kouyou had knocked on the door then quickly retreated his hands back into his pockets, the air especially chilly today. “Hello?” An elder woman answered the door; her eyes showed nothing but grief, it had to be Takanori’s mother.

“Hello. We are friends of Takanori and we were hoping we might be able to grab a few things from his room, to help with the search.” Kouyou said easily, offering a friendly smile.

“Oh, of course. Anything if it helps.” She held open her door for them both to enter and leaded them to Takanori’s room.

“Thank you so much.” Kouyou bowed to her and Yutaka mimicked his actions.

“If you boys need anything just let me know.” She said before leaving them alone.

Yutaka stared at the room in awe, Takanori had a large collection of CD’s, and he noted that they had a similar taste in music. The room was kept neat, he didn’t know if that was part of Takanori’s personality or if his mother had done it. Moving over to his dresser, he found everything in order. On top was a small jewelry box, Yutaka opened it and dug through the pieces in search for the cross necklace he had seen Takanori wearing in the newspaper. It wasn’t there. Carefully, he put everything back in its place.

Moving over to the nightstand he opened the drawer to find a book. When he opened it, he noticed the contents were handwritten. “Kouyou.” His fellow classmate was looking through Takanori’s closet. He stuck his head out. “Yeah?”

Holding up the book, he showed Kouyou, “Is this Takanori’s handwriting?”

“Hmm. Looks like it but I’m no expert.” Kouyou shrugged and continued to look for something in the closet. Skimming through the book, Yutaka determined it was poetry of some sort.  
  
 _Is it a pain of the children whom you murdered_  
 _Hate yourself_

_Sorrow made you_   
_In the maze without an end..._   
_Why do you still breathe?_

The lines had sent a chill down his body. Where did Takanori come up with these? And why?

_Did you really love me heartily?_   
_Can you really call that love?_   
_Answer…_   
_I don't want to die._

Yutaka felt his heart constrict, were these just rants of a teenage boy or did they hold a deeper meaning?

“Aha! Found it.” Kouyou’s voice interrupted his thoughts as he gazed at the man, who was holding a black jacket.

“Are you serious?” Yutaka closed the book and put it in his bag, hoping Takanori’s mother wouldn’t mind.

“He borrowed it and never gave it back.” Kouyou frowned.

“Takanori was murdered and all you care about is getting back an article of clothing?” Yutaka spat out, he had to find Takanori and fast, he began to tap his fingers on his leg but before he could concentrate on counting Kouyou ran towards him.

“Murdered? What are you talking about?” Kouyou’s eyes were wide, as if the information had never crossed his mind.

Disregarding Kouyou’s question, Yutaka looked at him then glanced out the window. “Is there any water near Miku’s Café?” He recalled the first time he saw Takanori, maybe he was there for a reason.

“Water?” Sitting down next to him on Takanori’s bed, Kouyou looked puzzled.

“Yes, bodies of water like a lake, river, or pond.” Yutaka said stating what he found to be obvious.

“Yeah, Naka river.” Kouyou pouted, “Why?”

Gazing over Takanori’s belongings, Yutaka’s eyes landed on a MacBook computer laying on the dresser that he had overlooked. Moving towards it, he took it and sat back down on the bed. When he opened it there was nothing but a black screen, probably dead. Kouyou brought him the charger after plugging it in.

Both of them sat in silence while the laptop charged and booted up. Thankfully, there was no password. Yutaka began to browse through the files, he opened a video file that was labeled ‘untitled’.

The first image was of Takanori’s full lips spread wide as he let out a laugh, Yutaka immediately felt his heart clench. It was the first time he had actually seen Takanori’s smile move, a personality shining through the face that had been haunting him. More than ever, Yutaka wanted to know Takanori. He wanted to know everything. _“Alright, alright. Serious time.”_

_“Serious time? Fuck that.”_ Kouyou moved closer, “That sounds like Yuu.”

_“Yuu, I’m recording.”_ Takanori pointed to the lens with a black painted nail, Yuu finally came into view and gave a shrug. _“We can edit it later.”_

Yutaka mentally noted that Takanori was wearing the missing cross necklace, now on screen; him and Yuu were sitting side by side; maybe it was a video for a school project.

_“What’s the first question?”_ Yuu asked looking bored, his eyes roaming the expanse where the camera didn’t show.

Takanori clicked his tongue, then his lips curved up on one side. _“What are you most afraid of?”_

Yuu gestured to Takanori, who sighed and looked at the camera. _“I’m most afraid of being alone.”_ Looking over at Yuu, he continued, _“You?”_

_“Not being able to get any pussy, but you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?”_ Yuu burst out laughing; Takanori mumbled something and gently slapped Yuu’s shoulder before the video ended.

“Yuu is so tasteful.” Kouyou muttered.

Closing the laptop, Yutaka looked at Kouyou, “We need to go to Naka River.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that you are completely random and make no sense?” Kouyou stood up and stretched.

“All the time.” And Yutaka could care less. He put the laptop back where he found it, even though he wanted to keep it for himself, but he figured stealing Takanori’s book was enough.

After giving Takanori’s mother their thanks, they headed towards Naka River. A wave of depression hit Yutaka hard when they had finally arrived. After eyeing the river was when Yutaka finally noticed it was snowing; already a few centimeters lay across the ground.

“What are we doing here? It’s freezing!” Kouyou shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Takanori is here.” Yutaka could feel it, could feel him and not just the chilling feeling he had become accustomed to when Takanori would show himself. Through the haze of snowflakes, he could make out a figure over the water. Takanori was leading him.

“Yutaka! Wait! Please stop. You’re starting to scare me.” Kouyou almost went to grab his arm but held his hand in the air instead.

“You don’t have to be here.” Yutaka kept walking along side the river, scanning the surface as Takanori’s lone figure kept walking farther away. As he kept moving, he figured that Kouyou had given up but he felt a tug on his arm, making him turn around. “Don’t.”

“Can’t you see that I care? And that you are worrying me?” Kouyou almost looked like he was about to burst into tears, it made him feel like a jerk. But he had an important matter at hand, so instead of saying anything he continued in his search. “Damnit Yutaka—”

The only reason he figured Kouyou shut up was because his eyes were fixated on what Yutaka was looking at. A tree that resided on the edge of the river that had its roots exposed was in his view, resting along one of the large roots was a hand, nails painted black.

He sucked in a large breath, the frigid air harsh inside his lungs, making his eyes water, even though he felt tears coming long before then. Yutaka heard Kouyou whisper an ‘oh my god’ as they both neared the tree. Glancing around him, Yutaka saw how close they were to civilization, how come no one had found him sooner?

Sliding into the water, Kouyou gripped at his shoulder, but he ignored it, just as he completely disregarded the ice-cold water sinking into his skin. Once he had moved around the tree he had a clear view. Takanori was face down in the water; half of his body was caught on the roots while the other half swayed with the current of the water. He was wearing the white t-shirt that Yutaka had seen him in before.

Yutaka lost it; he let the tears fall as he struggled to let air enter his lungs, he hiccupped. Quickly making his way over to Takanori, he let his trembling hand reach out, turning him over. He was expecting something out of a horror film, figuring Takanori would be bloated and resembling anything but human. However, Takanori looked almost perfect, his brown eyes were open, unseeing to the world. Lips were the darkest shade blue. With his fingers he trailed over Takanori’s neck where he could see the marks where he was probably strangled.

“Yutaka!” Kouyou called out to him from the riverbank. With what energy he could muster, Yutaka held Takanori’s body close as he moved over to somewhat dry land. Putting Takanori’s body on the shore, Yutaka noticed the shirt had rode up exposing his lower half; he took off his own jacket to cover Takanori’s naked body.

While gazing into Takanori’s lifeless eyes, he faintly heard Kouyou yelling something at him and putting a coat over him. Yutaka was probably freezing to death, after trekking through a frozen river while it was snowing outside. But he ignored everything around him, holding Takanori’s body close as if to transfer what warmth he had left to offer. Leaning close, Yutaka let his lips brush lightly over Takanori’s, “I found you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Lyrics belong to the GazettE, don't sue me xD  
> 2.) I promise to update I Fuck You to Fuck You Over, really soon!  
> 3.) I may have cried a little bit this chapter.  
> 4.) Dir en grey's new album ARCHE is seriously my go to when writing this.  
> 5.) This was actually inspired by an actual missing 17 year old boy in my area, who was last seen at his camp and the police handled it as a 'runaway' and set up road blocks at first instead of actually searching for him which really pisses me off. Anyway, a week later they found his body in the woods by a river where he had froze to death :( So in a weird fucked up way I am grieving while writing this, please ignore me.  
> 6.) Comments are love <3 and I am super tired xP


	4. Chapter 4

_Yutaka._

That voice, it sounded like Takanori’s. With a struggle, Yutaka opened his eyes, his eyelids sticking together, after blinking them several times they were met with harsh artificial lighting. Brushing his fingers over his mouth, he remembered the cold touch from Takanori’s lips.

“Yutaka.” There it was again, opening his eyes fully, he recognized the white walls and he began to panic. He couldn’t be back here, not again. Sitting up, he saw Takanori sitting on the end of his bed, the image of the padded walls blurring around him. A sudden calm flooded his senses, replacing the familiar overwhelming need to take control of the situation. 

Takanori was no longer soaked but he wore the same shirt. “Takanori?” Was he dreaming or was it once again his ghost? He wanted answers.

“I wanted to say thank you.” There was curl of his lips but it was strained. “I needed to warn you.” Eyes lifted from the floor. “You can’t trust him.”

“Trust who?” Yutaka moved closer to Takanori but the padded door to his cell opened and the ghost disappeared right before his eyes. Two men walked in, one wore a police uniform while the other went casual.

“Hello Yutaka, hope we aren’t interrupting.” The casual one said, Yutaka flinched, had they heard him talking to Takanori? He chose to stay silent.

“Do you know why you’re here?” The man walked towards him and sat on the bed.

Another blink of his eyes, and the scenery became clearer. The bland room was forcibly visible; the detective sat in front of him, hands resting on his lap, a sign that he took as patience. 

“Yutaka?” The detective looked at him; chin held high with a sense of pride, he took out a notebook and a pen from out of his pocket, ready to scrape the ink across the blank page with whatever knowledge Yutaka would refuse to give him. 

“You think I’m crazy.” Yutaka said staring at the wall behind the detective, knowing it would do no good. Hearing it aloud himself, he tried to defy the words in his head.

“We don’t think you’re crazy. We want to know what you know about Matsumoto-san’s case.” Ashes fell from the cigarette the Detective was holding, 

Yutaka tried to ignore the fact that he was being held within the tight white walls of this prison. “Nothing.” It seemed the truth, what did he really know? Nothing. Even if he did, there would be no way to explain himself.

“Then would you care to tell me, how you knew where to find his body?” Images flashed through his mind, Takanori’s cold lips and lifeless eyes. He closed his own eyes, wishing away the flashes of pictures.

There was nothing he could say to answer that question. Having the right to remain silent, he didn’t open his mouth.

“Don’t want to cooperate?” The detective took a drag of his cigarette. “I looked at your case files. Seems this isn’t the first time you’ve been found with a corpse in your arms.” Yutaka drew in a breath, his fingers clenching at the cheap bed sheets.

“If you choose to keep up the silent treatment, the longer you will stay in here. Is that what you want?” Bringing out a container, the detective put his cigarette in it, closing the cap.

Yutaka shook his head. “I don’t know anything.”

“It doesn’t look good for you then. People still think you were the one to kill your brother. Now here we have another dead boy found and there you were, again.” Trying to keep his breathing steady, Yutaka slowly brought his knees to his chest, hugging them close to his body.

“Just stop.” _It wasn’t me, one. I didn’t kill anyone, two. He’s just trying to push me, three. He can’t do anything, four. Takanori come back, five._

“Yutaka.” The detective’s voice brought him back. A woman came in, she was holding a tray and he could recognize the syringe and whimpered. “Sorry, it’s time for his medication.”

The police officer left, the detective stood up and gave Yutaka a nod. “We’ll be back tomorrow.” He should have felt relieved but he was panicking as the nurse came closer with the needle in hand. Moving away from her and the drug, she sighed, “Come on, do you want to be restrained?”

That got him to stop, he sat still and the needle went into his arm. A burning sensation ran up his veins, eyes feeling heavy, he fell back on the bed. The women finally left, Yutaka didn’t know what to do anymore. He didn’t have any energy left to go through this again.

His eyes fell closed, he felt warmth to his side, moving his head that way, he struggled to open his eyes. Takanori was lying down next to him, he looked real, Yutaka moved his hand towards Takanori’s and interlaced their fingers. “How?”

“I don’t know.” Takanori whispered right before Yutaka let the drug in his blood finally takeover. 

 

_  
A hot breath moved over his neck, lips pressed against his flesh, but it all felt foreign. “Taka…” An eerily familiar muffled voice that Yutaka couldn’t place at the moment, too distracted by the fact that he wasn’t himself. His vision was blurred, head spinning, almost like he was intoxicated. With no control of his movements, Yutaka couldn’t do anything but give into the sensations._

_“Maybe we shouldn’t.” The words came from his throat but instead of his voice it was Takanori’s. His back was against a wall, where they were, he couldn’t tell. Even in such a promiscuous position, their location seemed public. Walls were wood, large windows; it was all recognizable, why couldn’t he remember?_

_“I know you want too.” The man said, nipping at his neck, which caused Takanori to giggle, moving his neck to the side, allowing more access. “Just give in.”_

_Takanori gave a content sigh, his legs lifted to wrap around the man, brining their bodies closer together. Their lips met, engaging in a heated kiss; full of a hasty need. Yutaka could sense Takanori’s feelings; excitement, arousal, and fear.  
_

 

“Yutaka!” He awoke back in his white padded cell. The detective was there, holding his arm. Pushing the man away, he held his arm protectively, wondering what just happened. “Okay, are you going to talk today?” Sitting down on his bed, the detective looked at him with searching eyes, it was just the two of them today. 

Pushing away the jealousy he felt from the dream, or maybe it was a memory, he snapped. “I told you, I don’t know anything!” Now he was beginning to loose his patience but he had to remain calm. “I’ll only be held for forty-eight hours. You can’t keep me here.”

“You’re not being held for questioning. Your friend admitted you. The only way you are getting out of here is by answering my questions or if your friend has a change of heart.” The only so called friend he could think of was Kouyou, so much for him actually being kind. Scoffing at the thought, he just leaned against the wall.

“I don’t have any answers to your questions, so you are just wasting both of our times.” _Just leave already, I need to see Takanori again._

“Fine. We’ll be in touch.” Finally, the detective left. Yutaka waited, but Takanori didn’t come, he still didn’t know how all this worked or why it was even happening.

 

The door opened, a different nurse holding his clothes came in. “You’re being discharged.” That brought a smile to his lips; something was going his way for once. Though when he made his way out of the facility in his own clothing and saw Kouyou waiting for him outside, he snarled. “What do you want?”

“I-I’m sorry, okay? They kept asking me a bunch of questions and I didn’t know that they would do this to you. I’m so sorry.” Kouyou bit his lip, hands deep in his coat’s pockets, waiting for his apology to be accepted.

“What did you tell them?” He was foolish to have hung around Kouyou to begin with.

“Nothing.” Stepping closer, Kouyou continued. “I swear! Shit I don’t even know what I would say.”

Shoving past him, Yutaka started the long walk back to the university. Hopefully, Akira’s offer was still standing. He wouldn’t blame him though if he didn’t want to help anymore.

“You’re just going to ignore me?” Of course Kouyou was following him since he never left him alone lately. 

“You put me in a mental hospital.” After saying that, Kouyou remained by his side in silence, which was fine by him. The outside air was still bitterly cold, another reminder of Takanori’s frozen body dumped in the river, left alone. Thoughts plaguing his mind again, made his heart tightened and he fought back his tears.

The tall buildings of their university came into view; Kouyou stopped walking and so did he. “Do you want to stay at my dorm?” His voice was quiet and hesitant. Yutaka could feel that his words were forced purely for politeness.

“No, I’m fine.” Yutaka said and continued walking, as Kouyou went the opposite way. Not knowing what time it was, he hoped that Akira was still in his office. Knocking on the door, Yutaka was relieved that Akira answered.

“How are you doing?” His professor probably knew what had happened; now he was just playing the part of a worried friend. Yutaka started to realize how irrational he was to actually think he and Kouyou actually cared about him.

Looking away from Akira, he just shrugged because his answer didn’t matter. That was when he noticed Yuu sitting in the chair across from Akira’s desk. “I was just leaving.”

“Remember what we talked about.” Akira called after Yuu, who just nodded then left.

Yutaka kept himself guarded as he watched the exchange. 

Taking in his surroundings, it all finally clicked. This room, it was the one that Takanori was in with that man. Akira? A chill went through him; he eyed his teacher but remained calm. “Can I still stay at that empty dorm room?”

“Of course. I’ll take you there now.” Akira shuffled papers into his bag and gave him a smile. As they walked out, Akira put a hand on his shoulder, a surge of pain went through his body, and he fell to his knees, gasping.

“Yutaka!” Akira kept his hold on him; everywhere his teacher moved his hand scorched his skin. With a rough shove, Yutaka pushed Akira away. “Don’t touch me!” The way his flesh felt on fire, the constricting of his lungs and the agony in his head all felt too real. “Please, don’t.”

Akira stayed crouched next to him but made no move to lay a hand on him. “Okay. I’m sorry.” A few moments passed, both of them on the floor in the hallway, Yutaka’s breathing began returning to normal.

Using the wall for support, Yutaka raised himself, holding his head with the other hand. His mind still throbbed with pain, too many thoughts were passing through and he couldn’t calm himself to collect them. “I’m sorry.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “I’m okay.” Yutaka said it more to himself.

“Alright.” Akira said in a gentle tone, an awkward silence fell over them after that as they walked to the dorms.

Akira pulled out a key and unlocked the door then handed it to Yutaka. The only furniture in the room was a twin bed and small desk and that was good enough for him. Yutaka turned up the heat, the room felt freezing. Gazing at Akira, he was just standing there, unsure of what to do. Many questions were on the tip of Yutaka’s tongue. Instead he let out a dry laugh, “You were right. He’s dead.”

Gauging Akira’s reaction, he saw his face turn grim but there was no hint of remorse or grief. Of course it had been a few days since Takanori’s body had been discovered but it left Yutaka feeling more distant from Akira. His professor just bowed his head. Yutaka bit his tongue, he wanted to ask, _you were fucking him weren’t you?_

“Yutaka.” Akira’s voice sounded defeated. The both of them wanted to converse about Takanori but didn’t know how to go about it. Yutaka was sure; his teacher was wondering why and how he had found Takanori.

“I’m feeling tired.” A good way to kick him out without feeling to rude.

“I’m sure you are.” His hand reached out to touch him, Yutaka winced and Akira withdrew his hand. Then he was gone and Yutaka was thankful, he didn’t want any more information he had gathered from Takanori to slip. How would he possibly explain that he received information from someone who was long dead? And Takanori was killed for a reason; he was treading on dangerous ground. 

He sat on the cold bed; the pain in his head seemed to fade away. “Takanori...”

Then a hand grabbed his; Takanori was sitting next to him, a shy smile presented on his face. Again, he had questions urging to come out and be asked, but he somehow knew that Takanori couldn’t give him the answers with his voice. Shifting positions, Takanori rested his head on Yutaka’s chest. It was a warm embrace; Yutaka combed his fingers through his hair, Takanori making soft sounds at the touch.

This moment, everything felt normal and it was forgotten that Takanori was actually dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I hope to get back to updating regularly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Many feels ahead.

A knock on the door brought him out of his sleep, Takanori looked at him, who was still in his arms. His gentle features turned for the worst, a sheer panic struck his face. Takanori began shaking his head, his lips moved to what would be shouting but he couldn’t hear him. In a split second, Takanori vanished before his eyes. Uneasiness settled over him, another knock.

Judging by the way Takanori reacted; he didn’t think it would be a good idea to answer the door. For all he knew, it could be the killer on the other side. He was sure that only Akira knew he was staying in this dorm. “Yutaka! Open up, Akira sent me.” At first he didn’t recognize the voice, until a few moments later, it registered in his head as Yuu’s voice.

With hesitant steps, he made his way over to the door. “What do you want?” Yutaka raised his voice so that Yuu could hear him through the wood. 

“Just open the damn door.” Yuu banged on the door harder this time.

Not wanting to anger Yuu anymore, he reluctantly opened the door. Yuu’s appearance was sloppy at best, he wore a white button up shirt with the top five buttons undone and his hair was untamed, all over the place, Yutaka cringed. “What?”

Shoving passed Yutaka; he strode inside and threw a packet of papers on the well-kept desk in the corner. “Akira said you should take a few days off. That’s your classes’ work. He said he’ll pick them up for you when you are done.”

“Okay.”

“Whatever freak.” Yuu muttered and then he was out the door, which Yutaka gladly locked. That insult didn’t hurt anymore; he had heard it so many times before.

Moving towards his desk, he might as well get some schoolwork done to divert his attention. Even though the worksheets were easy, Yutaka couldn’t use them as a means of distraction. Takanori was never far from his mind. And just like that he could feel the other’s presence. 

Sitting on his temporary bed, Takanori held his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. “Are you okay?”

Takanori lifted his head and shook it, another sob leaving his body, and Yutaka just stood there staring at his tear stained face. He didn’t know to do. How do you comfort someone who was murdered?

Soft lips grazed his own, he couldn’t help but lean into the touch, wanting more. Holding Takanori’s face, he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears and deepened the kiss. He could never get enough of how Takanori felt and tasted against him, how it was all so real. Pulling away, he looked into Takanori’s eyes and they were searching for something. “What?”

“Why?” Again his voice sounded so small, he was still scared.

“Why what?”

“Why can you see me? Why do you hold me and kiss me?” Timid eyes pleaded at him, but Yutaka didn’t know what to say. He loved Takanori, a dead boy, who he barely knew. There was no way to go about that conversation. And how could Yutaka possibly know how he was able to see him? But what did he have to loose? “I love you.”

Takanori nodded, a smile graced his lips and grabbed Yutaka’s hands. “I can show you.” He sounded so grim, instantly Yutaka was thinking about how the boy died. Noticing that the boy didn’t freak out about his confession was enough for him.

“Okay, show me.” He was ready.

 

The house reflected Akira’s personality perfectly, well kept and organized. He felt his lips turn up, sitting on the couch, he couldn’t believe he was actually here. They never spent time at his house, always going to hotels or sneaking on campus. It was a nice change. And he couldn’t wait until he felt the older man’s arms around him.

Akira walked in holding two glasses of champagne; he couldn’t help but feel his smile become wider. “When did you become so romantic?” The man just smiled in return, handing him the bubbling alcohol.

Taking a glass from him, he took a sip and glanced at the brick fireplace. “Now all we need is a fire.”

“Do you want me to build you a fire, Taka?” Akira set his glass down on the table in front of them, and then cupped his face. On instinct, Takanori leaned forward, their lips connected; he felt the same overwhelming feeling of desire like he always did when Akira kissed him. An emotion he knew he had with no one else.

“No, I’ll be okay, I have you after all.” He knew it was cheesy, but he couldn’t help it. That was what Akira did to him, made him into a cliché star struck lover. “Did you have a good day?”

“It was alright. But now it’s even better.” Akira snuggled into his neck, nipping at his sensitive flesh making him squeak out and jump, spilling his champagne a little. 

“I’m sorry.” Takanori giggled and licked the stray droplets of champagne. 

“Maybe I’ll just have to punish you.” His lover grinned at him, taking the glass away and setting it next to his. Then he was on top of him, pinning Takanori down.

“Punish me how, Sensei?” He bucked his hips up, loving to tease Akira, and he knew how much the older man loved it when he called him that. Right now, he would take anything; his skin was on fire, begging to be touched.

Fingers slipped underneath his waistband, one swift movement and his black jeans and boxers were thrown off of him, leaving him in his oversized white t-shirt. The cool air fell over his milky thighs making him whimper. Akira leaned back and lifted his right leg; his lips pressed against his the skin of his inner thigh. “Aki…” This was the most pleasant punishment he had ever experienced. 

A hand slipped underneath his shirt and pinched his nipple, he moaned loudly. Knowing that no one would hear him, he felt free to do as he pleased. Holding Akira tight, he pulled him closer, and they kissed again. “I love you Aki.” Never had a moment felt so right to him than now.

What he wasn’t expecting was the gentle caresses along his skin to seize and Akira looking down at him in shock. Now his dreamy romance wavered, Takanori whispered. “What?”

Akira sat up on his knees and sighed, it came crashing down on him that his professor didn’t share the same feelings. “Taka…” The older man pondered, probably trying to come up with an easy way to dismiss him, like he was nothing.

After overcoming his hurt from the rejection, Takanori became furious, this whole time he was stupid enough to believe they actually had something more. “What am I to you? Just a good fuck?” 

“I never thought this was serious.” Akira said in a calm voice that only had him wanting to scream louder.

“I was about to tell my mom about you!” He left out how he had already planned to invite him over for dinner to meet her. 

“You can’t tell anybody about this! I’ll lose my job!” Now they were both standing, screaming at each other. This wasn’t how this night was supposed to be, Akira should have been making love to him instead.

“Fuck you!” Takanori screamed, tears flowing out and at a steady pace, the world he once knew was slowly unraveling into nothing. Searching for his pants, Takanori tried to step beside of Akira to reach them but was pushed back.

“I’m serious, Taka.” All he could do was freeze his moments and loose himself in the violent flash in his lover’s eyes. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“Move.” His gaze left Akira’s; he just needed to get out of here.

Again Akira shoved him roughly with more force, the air knocked out of his lungs as he fell backwards. His head collided with the hard table before he slumped to the floor. 

Vision blurry and his mind in a daze, he felt a sharp pain coming from the back of his head but couldn’t move. Mind finally focusing, Takanori could hear Akira talking to someone else. How long was he out for? On shaky hands, he tried to lift himself up but his sight spun and he felt sick, making him groan. 

“I told you this shit would happen.” A familiar voice said.

“Do you want to graduate or not?” That was Akira. What was happening?

“How are you going to alter my other classes?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it done. Now…” He could hear the older man sigh. “Get this done.”

Hands gripped his bare thighs and dragged him across the carpet, making him scream out. Fabric shoved in his mouth muffled his cries for help; the man above him straddled his back and holding him down. “Get me something to tie him with.”

“I don’t want any part of this.”

“It’s a little to late for that.”

What were they going to do to him? What did he do to make Akira be like this? Takanori cried harder into his gag, the pain in his wrists unbearable as some kind of rope was tied tightly around them behind his back. Then he was hauled up into the man’s arms, his eyes widened when he saw it was Yuu. He glanced over at Akira, the man he would have done anything to make happy, but he wouldn’t meet his gaze.

Once he was tossed into the backseat of Yuu’s car, he knew what was happening. A man that was worried about his reputation and standing was having him killed by a sorry excuse of a student that would do anything to get by. Was his life really worth so little?

The whole ride Takanori tried to loosen the bindings on his wrists. He had almost made his hands free when the car stopped. Stopping all movements, he tried to kick Yuu when he grabbed for him, he got ahold of his necklace and Yuu yanked it off. He was too strong to fight off, crawling on top of him in the back seat, Yuu undid his scarf and wrapped it around Takanori’s neck, raising him arms high so there was no slack. Immediately he felt his air cut off and tried to struggle against Yuu, but it was useless.

Yuu’s hands were trembling, as he pulled on the scarf harder. This was it; Takanori could see his vision fading into black. Stopping all of his attempts at becoming free, he just let the end come to him. Just as he was on the verge of passing out, Yuu let go off the scarf and exhaled a haggard breath. “Fuck.”

Takanori stayed silent, keeping his eyes closed and tried to not breathe. Never had he ever been this scared, maybe he still had a chance out of this alive. The gag was removed from his mouth, and then hands were picking him up again. Carrying him, Yuu stopped and then he was dropped, Takanori tried his best not to scream out, afraid of where he was falling too.

When his body hit a pool of freezing water it didn’t calm his nerves down any; he opened his eyes and began to frantically undo the loose rope. Emerging from below the surface, he could see Yuu’s car take off. Not having long to take in his surroundings, he was pushed back underwater, the river’s current taking him along where it pleased, he put out his arms, trying to grab a hold of anything to stop him but felt nothing. 

The river tossed him about and he never received another chance to take in a breath. Cold sunk into his body and the murky water reflecting the moonlight began to fade away.

 

Coming back to the present, Yutaka sat up from his small bed, his body slick with sweat. Heart beat racing, he looked for Takanori, wanting nothing more than to hold him tight but he wasn’t there and it make him want to scream. He couldn’t take this anymore. This wasn’t fair. Clenching his fists, he wanted nothing more than to take out his inner anger on both Akira and Yuu. How could they do this?

To think that bastard was just in his room, near him, close enough to grasp. No wonder Takanori looked completely horrified. 

_One. Two._ No, he needed to stop. Let the freak in him come out and show the world just what he had to offer. Everyone chose to see him that way anyways, might as well fit the image. But he would need help and he knew just who would be willing to do anything for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hurt me. Lol. Still hope this is good (sorry more self-conscious bull). I'm trying my best to write, I'm glad this flowed very nicely. Hopefully it goes the same for everything else.
> 
> Comments are love <3


	6. Chapter 6

Kouyou, being simple minded as he was, had been easy to find. A large campus party just started as the sun began to set and there he was already drinking and chatting up a girl who actually looked interested. That seemed to baffle him.

Not concerned about the flirty exchange, Yutaka grabbed Kouyou, interlocking their arms. “Sorry, he’s taken.” The girl gave a pissed and disgusted look before walking off to find some other poor man to harass.

“Yutaka what the hell?” Kouyou removed his arm, face flushed.

“I need to talk to you.”

“You could have just said that, instead of basically telling a girl I like that I am gay with you!” Once he realized he was shouting, Kouyou turned even redder then stomped off into the hallway. “What is it?”

Making sure that they were somewhat alone, using the loud music to muffle his words, Yutaka leaned in close enough to touch Kouyou’s ear with his lips. “I need you to get something from Yuu’s car.” He was sure that the necklace still resided somewhere in the back seat of Yuu’s car. Judging by Yuu’s personality and lack of intelligence, he was certain of it.

“What? You think I can just go, ‘Hey Yuu, let me in your car. I need something!’” Still red faced, Kouyou moved away from Yutaka.

“How intoxicated are you? Of course not. You need to sneak in.” Yutaka snorted.

“Why exactly would I sneak into Yuu’s car?” He knew he had won when Kouyou leaned back, a softening expression grazing his features. Yutaka only felt slightly bad for using Kouyou’s feelings for him to his advantage.

Putting a gentle hand on Kouyou’s upper arm, Yutaka parted his lips. “Please.”

Sighing, Kouyou half smiled. “Okay, what is it?”

“Takanori’s necklace.” The smile was gone from his face, Kouyou leaned in closer, eyeing the other partygoers, and surely Yuu was here too.

“What are you trying to say?”

Yutaka studied Kouyou, the way his eye’s kept glancing away, biting his bow shaped lips, and the way his fingers were dancing across his thigh. “Can I trust you, Kouyou?”

“Yeah, why would you even ask that?” Another glance behind him.

“Because you are friends with Yuu and acting very suspicious.” He moved closer to Kouyou, if eyes were on them, they would look like a couple about to engage in sexual foreplay. 

“More like roommates, he’s an asshole. What do you expect? Yuu is going to pop up in any minute. He always does.” Kouyou swallowed. 

Letting his hand slide over Kouyou’s face, he felt light stubble, and then moved passed the skin into his hair, pulling him to his own face. Feeling Kouyou’s hot breath on his neck, he smiled, and just barely above a whisper, he let the secret spill into Kouyou’s ear. “Yuu killed Takanori.”

The warm breath on his neck seized for a moment, before Kouyou could pull away, he gripped the back of his neck tightly, but not enough to hurt. “Will you help me?”

“Y-Yes.” He let go of Kouyou, he looked pale and his skin started to perspire. 

“Kou! There you are.” It was Yuu, smacking Kouyou’s shoulder, which made him slightly jump and even paler than he was before. “I thought you were turning into a fag but judging by your face I guess not. Good thing!” Turning his attention to Yutaka, Yuu grimaced. “Why are you even here?”

Yutaka stayed silent, he didn’t need to say anything to the monster in front of him. Now with him so close, he wanted nothing more than to take every last ounce of life away from him. 

“I invited him.” Kouyou spoke up, pushing away from the wall, almost standing in front of him as if he would be a protective wall.

“We’re not in class, you don’t have to suck up to Akira.” Yuu laughed, pushing Kouyou aside, who flattened against the wall easily. “What’s the matter? You counting in your head, freak?”

No he wasn’t and he felt nauseous because of the fact. Pushing Yuu out of his way, he ran out of the dorm, out into the cool air. Thinking of Takanori, he tried to hold himself together. If only just a little bit longer. Even if he seemed like a coward, it wouldn’t matter soon enough.

“Yutaka!” Kouyou came up beside him, putting a hand on his arm, which he shrugged off. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” He said through clenched teeth. After taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. “So can you get into Yuu’s car?” Eyes open. “For me?”

“Yeah, he’ll get trashed tonight so he won’t even know.” Again Kouyou was biting his lip, kicking an imaginary rock with his foot. “Are you sure that…he…?”

“Yes. And he wasn’t the only one.” At that Kouyou stopped his pointless movements and looked up at him.

“What?”

“I’ll tell you later. Just get the necklace, okay?” He had a plan to assemble; maybe Takanori could be there to help him.

“Yutaka.” 

He turned around, “Yes?”

“I’m really worried about you…” Kouyou trailed off, almost on the brink of tears. “I don’t think you are fine.”

“Don’t worry about me.” He heard Kouyou call after him but he ignored it, continuing the walk to his dorm. He was tired of people fretting over him.

Seeing Takanori sitting down on his bed had his heart fluttering. “Takanori…” He sat down next to him. “I missed you.” Taking ahold of the dead boy’s hand, Yutaka gave it a squeeze; just looking into Takanori’s eyes he knew something was wrong. Though there seemed to always be something up. “What is it?”

“I don’t understand how you can love me. When no one ever has.” 

“Love isn’t easy to understand. I’ll show you how much I love you by making everything right again.” Yutaka felt a hand move against his thigh, rubbing against the fabric, he didn’t feel ill, and didn’t move it. Instead he put his own hand over Takanori’s then leaned to graze his lips across the boy’s wet cheek.

“What are you doing to do?” The words came out strangled, as Takanori wiped away a tear, titling his head to look at him.

“Make them pay for what they did to you.” Brushing away Takanori’s hair, he cupped his cheek, and brought their lips together. The touch felt alien yet recognizable, he couldn’t explain it. He didn’t care how this was possible; how Takanori could be in this reality, in the flesh, hot skin underneath his fingertips.

All that mattered was right here in his arms. Takanori’s lips moved against his in a familiar way, as if they had been doing it for years. Moving over Takanori, he pushed him down on the bed, straddling his body, pushing his mouth more into the intoxicating taste, the warmth. 

Hands went under his shirt, leaving a trail of pleasurable fire against his flesh. No one had touched him like this before, never had he enjoyed anyone’s touch. He was being held close, lips parted, tongues moving together. This all would have been perfect, _it is perfect_. Except for one circumstance, or rather two.

Tearing his lips away, regrettably so, he gazed into Takanori’s curious eyes. “I need to go.” The arms wrapped around them tightened instead of loosening up. 

“Please, don’t. What if…” Yutaka kissed him on the lips again, short and sweet.

“Nothing will happen to me.” He let his hand move from Takanori’s hair to stroke the soft skin of his neck. “You make Akira’s touch burn my skin, don’t you?”

Takanori’s eyes widened for a moment before looking down, and then he silently nodded. 

“I need you to stop that. He needs to touch me.” That made the boy look back up eyes even wider than before. “It’s all a part of the plan.”

“No, no, no.” He took Takanori’s face into his hands, again loosing himself in his beautiful eyes that held a hint of blue. It made him wonder if that was because he wasn’t…human anymore. The overwhelming emotions always poured out of him when he would gaze into those mysterious pools. 

“I won’t let anything happen, I promise.”

“Akira doesn’t deserve death.” Yutaka tried not to scoff, he would beg to differ, but it didn’t fit his plan anyhow. “It’s not him that is going to die but he will suffer.” Yutaka added, thinking of Yuu, it would be a pleasure to rid his existence off the face of the earth. 

Getting off the bed, Yutaka brought Takanori up, giving him a hug. “You’re going to…” Takanori stopped himself, unable to say it. “You should just tell the police.”

“They are useless. Plus I’m a suspect in your murder.” He moved away from Takanori, suddenly feeling like his touch would taint the innocence the boy held. “I’m already pinned as a murderer, I might as well be one.” Huffing out air, he looked at Takanori, who stood there looking pale, hiding something. “What?”

“But you already are.” Yutaka stiffened at the words. What was he saying? “It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault, entirely.” Taking a step closer, Takanori held out his arm but he backed away.

“What are you talking about?”

“You really don’t remember?” This time he let Takanori put his hand on his side, rubbing it gently. He shook his head, trying to fight the dread swelling in his heart. A faint recognition lingering in his mind, but it couldn’t be possible.

“Ryu…” He whispered, still in a state of shock at the acknowledgement. 

“Yes.” Takanori’s voice was deeper, his hand moving to Yutaka’s face. The touch made him weak to his knees, or it was the newfound information. Being caught by Takanori’s arms, he held him, as they both sunk to the floor.

_  
The new medication had him feeling drowsy; it was hard to focus. Hard to count. All he wanted to do was go to sleep, but he was afraid of the shadows. They liked to watch him sleep at night, but Ryu would scare them away when he shouted at him, because his cries were to loud._

_It was only the afternoon; Ryu told him that he was too old for naps now. So they decided, or rather, Ryu decided that they should play outside._

_“Just think of it as an adventure.” Ryu held his hand as they ventured out into the vast field, the grass high enough to brush against his knees._

_“We’re not supposed to be out here. Mommy said—”_

_“Fuck what she said.”_

_Yutaka looked down at his worn shoes, the way they flattened the tall grass with each step. Until the grass faded and there was nothing but rocks. Looking up, Yutaka saw a river, the flow going off a cliff. “A waterfall?”_

_“Yeah.” Ryu shrugged, taking his hand away, leaning over to look down. “It’s not too far down. You think I could jump?” His brother laughed and kicked a few rocks off the cliff. Feeling brave, Yutaka leaned over, watching the rocks fall down into the pool of water below._

_“I want to go home.” His vision began to flicker, he turned around, and standing near the trees was one of them. “Please, Ryu.”_

_“Chill out. You’re fine.” Taking a hold of his hand again, Yutaka felt a little better. They made their way down the cliff; Yutaka glanced back to see if the woods were empty, he let out a sigh of relief when they were._

_On the side, the cliff wasn’t as steep, making it easier for the two boys to hike down to the water. Once there, Yutaka still felt a sense of unease. Breaking contact again, his brother looked at him with a slanted smile. “Lets go for a swim!” Then he tugged off his shirt, throwing it on the dampened earth, without a care in the world. While Yutaka was processing how this was wrong, they shouldn’t be here._

_A crack in the woods had him spinning around so fast, his head spun._

_“Stop being so paranoid.” A pull to his hand brought him closer to the water; he retreated his hand and shook his hand.  
“There’s something in the woods.”_

_“No there’s not.” His brother sighed, moving away from the bank of the river, he looked towards the ominous looking forest. “You want me to check?”_

_“No! Don’t leave me alone!” Yutaka cried, but his brother was already on his way, walking between two soaring trees. Whispers traveled over the river, muffling the sounds of the falls. Frantically, he looked around, five of them stood around him, keeping their distance. On instinct, he ran into forest in the direction his brother went._

_A root caught his foot; he fell to the ground hard, making his already spinning head worse. His vision changed the scenery around him, the sky turning black, more of them around him, then gone. He stood up and starting running again. Loosing his sense of direction, he didn’t know where he was or how long he had been going._

_One of them grabbed his arm; he cried out, he struggled to break from the grasp. An arm free, he shoved hard. Yutaka was safe, it hadn’t taken him. When he opened his eyes, the skies return to their natural blue color. The sounds of the falls taking over the whispers._

_Though not all was back to how it was, he sank to his knees. Hands shaking in front of his eyes, as he reached out. In front of him lies his brother. Looking lifelessly up to the sky, blood seeping from him, into the earth below._

_“Ryu…” He scrambled to his brother, holding on to him and a tight grip. Sobbing into his shoulder. “Wake up!”  
_

 

Yutaka came to, his body clammy, hands still trembling, Takanori holding him. Shoving the boy away from him, he tried to stand, but fell back to the ground. “W-What?” He couldn’t think, he just couldn’t. “Who the fuck are you?” He shouted, but Takanori was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget the tissues! ^^;

What had just happened? How did Takanori know about Ryu? He had finally lost it, this all wasn’t real, it was all in his head. It had to be, it had to be. Retrieving his phone from his desk, he called Kouyou.

“I haven’t had a—“

“Did I find Takanori?”

“What? Yeah…you don’t remember?”

So that was real but did he really see his ghost? Kiss and love him. Only for him to betray him like this. Showing him a vision where he had killed his own brother. When he did not kill his brother. He didn’t kill Ryu. He didn’t. 

“Yutaka! What’s going on? You’re really freaking—” He hung up his phone.

But clearly he had killed him. He had pushed him, thinking he was one of them. They were just like Takanori. Dead. And deceiving. The rocky slope, the blood. How could he have forgotten about it all? The man in the park, how long have they been following him without him knowing? 

All the rumors were true. He was not only a freak but also a murderer.

In the midst of it all, he still loved Takanori. And he still had his death to avenge. That’s what he should focus on now.

Withdrawn from his mental rant, Yutaka heard his phone ringing, so he answered it. “Don’t ever hang up on me again! I’m coming over and we are going to talk, okay?” He said nothing, not seeing the point, unless Kouyou was bringing him the evidence he needed they didn’t need to meet. “Okay?” Kouyou’s voice rose slightly.

“Fine.”

“I’ll be there in five.” Yutaka hung up, not bothering with goodbyes.

He sat on his bed, the sheets were still warm, and Takanori had almost been a figment of his imagination, yet that wasn’t the case. He was real; all of this was real. His mind was still reeling from all the information, the memories, the pain.

Could this be why he had no trouble thinking about taking Yuu and Akira’s lives? A buried darkness, hatred and agony, struggling to be released and cause havoc on those who dare cross him? “Takanori…”

Takanori knew what he wanted to do, what he had planned. Would he not show himself to intervene? Some part of Yutaka hoped that he would. Saving whatever piece of humanity he had left to offer.

Staring at the bottle of pills that he never took, he grabbed them and shoved the container in his pocket. 

Kouyou didn’t bother knocking; he burst into the dorm room, hair messy and eyes looking a bit swollen. Next thing he knew, Kouyou was hugging him tightly. “Quit scaring me like that, god, I thought...I thought…” He heard Kouyou sniffle by his ear and pulled away.

“Did you get the necklace?” 

“No. I didn’t have a chance—” Kouyou sat down on the bed.

Yutaka squinted his eyes. “You’re drunker than before.”

“W-Well yeah, I mean—”

“Why would you become more intoxicated?”

“Yutaka, come on! You tell me that Yuu had,” Kouyou lowered his voice and licked his lips, “killed Takanori. You expected me to stay sober after that?”

“We’ll do it together then.”

Kouyou sighed, “Can you tell me what it is exactly you are doing?”

“I’m going to plant the evidence so the cops can actually do something.” He clenched his fists, telling Kouyou everything would only bring him harm.

“Okay. It’s about midnight; the party will still be going on for a while. You want to go now?” Standing up, Kouyou stretched his legs; he seemed to have calmed down a bit, even if his face was still flushed. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, Kouyou. Now let’s go.”

Indeed the party was still well and active. It was easier to get inside of Yuu’s car than he had originally thought. The doors were unlocked; it was far away enough from the party so that they couldn’t be spotted.

Slipping into the back seat while Kouyou stayed outside being a lookout, Yutaka felt the floor. Soon enough his fingers brushed over a cool metal. He curled his fingers, raising his hand, in front of his face was Takanori’s cross, just like he had predicted. 

Getting out of the car, he pocketed it. “I found it.”

“Good, let’s get out of here.”

“Kouyou, look. You should go home.” He had other business to attend to.

“I thought that we were in this together? Now you are fucking ditching me?” Glancing around nervously, Kouyou took a step towards Yutaka. “Why?”

“Because I don’t want you involved.”

“Are you really looking out for me?” Kouyou spat out.

Still, Yutaka remained composed. “Yes, I really am.”

He watched as Kouyou’s face changed; worry. The fact that Kouyou cared for him to some extent was exactly why he didn’t want him involved with his premeditated murder. Yutaka had to admit Kouyou had grown on him. “Please, go home.”

“Okay.”

“Akira.” Yutaka said simply, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention in case someone was listening.

“Akira…did it too?”

Yutaka nodded. “He was having an affair with Takanori. I guess it didn’t go as he planned.” Holding up the cross necklace, Yutaka continued, “They’ll find this when they come for him.”

“What about Yuu…” Kouyou’s face fell, becoming pale.

“Don’t worry about it, Kou.”

Kouyou gave him an awkward hug.

And that was that.

 

*

 

Knocking on Akira’s door, he stood there uninvited yet he knew he wouldn’t be turned away. When Akira opened the door, his face showed his surprise. “Yutaka, what are you doing here?”

Time to put on a show. “I-I just thought maybe, we could talk. Sorry it’s late.”

“Sure, come in.” He was led in, the house looking just as he remembered from Takanori’s vision. “It’s no problem.”

“I hope you don’t mind that I found out your address.”

“Of course not. I’m glad you came.” Akira smiled at him. “Do you want something to drink?”

Yutaka shook his head; instead of speaking he just rushed into Akira, hugging him. Either Takanori was really gone or he did as he asked. Akira’s touch no longer burned him, he felt arms wrap around him, pulling him closer. “Did something happen?”

You could say that.

But Yutaka certainly hadn’t come here for talking. Moving back enough to have his face peer up at Akira’s, he leaned in, giving him a not so chaste kiss. Best to give the point across straight away. All this time he had mistaken Akira’s friendliness as genuine; instead the professor just wanted what he had had with Takanori.

He closed his eyes, willing himself to enjoy it, thinking it was Takanori instead. Kisses were placed down his neck. Yutaka took it upon himself to undress. Watching Akira’s eyes flicker with lust. 

Skin bare, Yutaka was gently pushed down to lie on the carpet. In the living room, just like with Takanori, next to the table that had knocked him out. 

Akira’s clothed body moved over his, he heard him groan, “I’ve wanted this for so long.”

That much was obvious; Yutaka played the part of a needy whore; submitting and moaning. Just as he expected, Akira wasn’t a fan of condoms and that was to his advantage.

As the man invaded him, Yutaka thought of Takanori again, his mind never wandering far away from him. There he was, standing not to far away. Yutaka clutched Akira’s shoulders tighter, gazing into Takanori’s eyes. He could see the hate and sorrow there, his mouth set in a frown.

Their gaze broke when Akira tried to leave his body, Yutaka held on to him stronger, wanting him to spill the evidence inside of him. Akira took the hint and did just that.

The deed was done, the three of them were on their backs on the carpet, but of course Akira couldn’t see Takanori, by his side, gazing over Yutaka’s naked body to look at his once lover. Then Takanori traced his finger down his chest, making him shiver and Akira grin.

“He’s such a coward.” Takanori whispered in his ear. He had to bite his lip, fighting all the lingering questions back, best for them to not come out. This had to be some kind of revenge to Takanori. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I have you.” He felt him snuggle into his neck.

Yutaka turned to look at Akira, who seemed quite pleased with himself. “How was I compared to Taka?” It came out easily, seeing Akira’s face made it all worth it.

“What?” Akira sat up; he could feel Takanori giggle over his skin.

“A simple question really.” Feeling Akira’s semen trying to leak its way out of him, he clenched his muscles.

Takanori moved against him, it was becoming harder to ignore his presence. “How does it feel?” Another quiet murmur in his ear.

Akira became a stuttering mess, making up excuses, but Yutaka’s eyes were on Takanori, who sat up, his whole aura changing just like before. “What have you become, Yukkun?” 

“Ryu?” He said it breathlessly. There is no way.

Stopping his rambling and pacing around the room, Akira looked at him. “Yutaka, are you okay?”

“I have to go.” Gathering up his clothes, he put them on fast, seeing that Takanori disappeared, Yutaka stopped. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“It’s right down the hall.”

“Thank you.”

Inside the bathroom, he tried to calm down. He needed to keep himself together, just a little while longer. Pulling out the necklace, he brushed his fingers over the cross. Opening a random drawer, Yutaka threw it in. Hoping that eventually, if the police did their job right, they would find it before Akira did.

Trying to make it outside without any other interactions had failed; Akira grabbed his arm, giving him a softened look. “For what it’s worth. I always wanted you instead.”

Yutaka gritted his teeth and snatched his arm away, leaving Akira to deal with his dues that would come. 

And his next stop was Yuu.

 

*

 

By then the party was winding down, Yutaka didn’t even know what time it was now. People were passed out drunk, some making out and others throwing up. Knowing that Yuu had only one thing on his mind, Yutaka began checking the rooms.

Finally he found Yuu passed out naked in bed with a girl draped across him. Walking over to her, Yutaka tapped her shoulder, waking her up. “Get out.”

She didn’t say anything, she grabbed her clothes and left. Music was still playing from downstairs, and it was pretty loud, perfect.

Rummaging through the room, Yutaka found a belt, a sock and a few scarfs. Using the scarfs he tied Yuu’s arms to the bed frame. Holding both sides of the belt he snapped it, emitting a loud smack throughout the room, ultimately waking Yuu up. “Hello.”

Yuu stirred, scrunching up his face and jerked his hands, realizing his position. “What the hell?”

While he was disoriented, Yutaka straddled him and that had Yuu snapping his eyes wide open. Trying to get up, Yuu failed, maybe he had taken to many drugs, or was to weak from dehydration, whatever the case, Yutaka was grateful. No fight for him, then he could move on.

“I know what you did.” Before Yuu could reply or scream, Yutaka shoved the old sock into his mouth. “I’m going to return the favor. Although Takanori didn’t die when you strangled him. He drowned. But I think I would rather enjoy watching you take your last breath.”

Yuu’s eyes widened, his pleas muffled.

“Was it worth it?” He wrapped the belt around Yuu’s neck.

“To take an innocent life.” The belt tightened.

“Yutaka stop.” He heard Takanori behind him, or maybe it was Ryu, he didn’t know anymore.

“No.”

“You don’t need to do this.” Takanori’s hand was over his own.

“I don’t even know who you are anymore.” Tighter.

“It’s me. Takanori.” There were tears falling from his eyes but Yutaka overlooked him. 

Yuu first then Takanori.

His hands were shaking as he pulled the belt as tight as he could, until he saw Yuu go slack, he loosened his hold only a little bit, making sure that Yuu was gone for good. Then he let go.

“They’ll know it was you.” Takanori whispered.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Either way, he made his exit unnoticed. Takanori right by his side. 

Taking the pill bottle out of his pocket, he brought it to his mouth and swallowed the remainder of the pills dry. It was only a matter of time.

“Yutaka...” 

“Is Ryu inside you?” He needed to know, it didn’t make sense, not that anything in his life ever did.

“Only sometimes.” Feeling a hand close over his, he looked at Takanori. “He’s worried about you. And he knows that it wasn’t your fault. Now he understands.”

“He understands.” Yutaka scoffed, “I doubt that and now, he’ll never talk to me again.”

“It’s okay. We have each other now.” 

Stopping his walk, Yutaka pulled Takanori behind one of the campuses buildings, and kissed him. Memorizing and savoring ever curve and texture of those lips. “We do.”

“I love you.”

 

*

They were where it all started, at least where they had started.

The river had a thin layer of ice along the sides, the current in the center keeping it free from freezing.

Together they held each other’s hand, submersing into the cold flow of the river. The drugs had already started to take effect, making Yutaka’s eyes flutter. Takanori gazed at him but said nothing. There was nothing he could do to change his mind now and he knew that. 

This was what Yutaka wanted. Something he should have done a long time ago. The chill sunk into his skin, creeping up his weak body, and down into his bones. The memory of finding Takanori seeped into his mind; it made him clutch the boy’s hand harder.

Walking forward more, the water was up to his chest now. Lips were moving on their own accord, trembling as the cold took him over completely. Yutaka’s head sunk underneath the stream, incasing him in the world that had taken Takanori’s life.

Again moonlight shone through the water—just like that night—giving him a view of Takanori next to him, in this moment he thought it was the most beautiful he had ever seen him. Like an angel of death. His hold on Takanori’s hand faltered as did his vision, Yutaka felt a hand caress his cheek, putting him at ease.

The feeling was gone; his body easily numb, Takanori placed a kiss on his lips. They would be together. Be one.

It was time to go.

Thinking about what was to come, Yutaka hoped that he would be able to be with Takanori, forever. Maybe see Ryu again, ask for forgiveness. Start over in another world. 

Maybe his vengeance will send him to another realm entirely, leaving him alone to face his punishment.

Together, they fell to the bottom, Takanori held him tight. His vision darkened, but he could see the moon, a group of ripples distorted the image until it was gone. Replaced with what looked like Kouyou. Though he couldn’t help but smile weakly.

It’s too late, Kou.

 

*

 

An uneasy feeling had made Kouyou follow Yutaka out into the world after he saw him leave the party. Like a loyal dog. Yutaka had not been himself all day and it had him anxious. What he should have done when he first saw him was grab a hold of him and shake him, demand that he snap out of it. Whatever it was. Kouyou still had no idea what had gone wrong with Yutaka.

Once a shy, observant and smart student, now he was barely recognizable, someone entirely different. Eyes that had held a gentle caring side with an overwhelming sadness, only to be replaced with loathing. 

All of it—Kouyou had come to realize—was a dead boy’s fault. Takanori.

But Takanori was also what brought them together. 

Kouyou hated him still; even know he had always felt indifferent when he was alive.

Now here he was, trailing behind Yutaka as he made his way back to the very river they had found Takanori’s body. The last few weeks after that, Kouyou had grown to worry and become substantially scared for Yutaka’s well being. To what he could only reason being that; he liked Yutaka maybe a bit too much.

He kept his distance so that Yutaka wouldn’t notice him. But as soon as he saw Yutaka’s calculated steps turn sluggish he knew something was wrong. It made him quicken his pace, Kouyou saw him walk into the river and his heart nearly jumped out of his chest.

He shouldn’t have kept such a distance between them

No longer could he see Yutaka, he was submerged into the river.

Without a second thought, Kouyou dove into the water, his eyes had to adjust to at first but then he saw him, he held on to Yutaka as he swam back to the surface. Letting out a half breath and cry, Kouyou crawled on the shore, dragging Yutaka with him, he struggled at first. On land, he felt his strength leave him.

“Yutaka!” He cried, bringing his lips to his, which had already turned a different shade. All the air left his lungs as it traveled into Yutaka. Pulling away, he took another breath and then tried again. Pumping his chest.

“Come on!” Again, he tried to revive Yutaka.

At some point he had given up, clutching Yutaka’s clothes, sobbing into his neck. “I just found you and now you leave me.” Kouyou’s heart constricted in pain, he lowered his head on top of Yutaka’s chest, hoping for a steady beat to reach his ears.

Nothing.

He shivered against Yutaka’s body, sucking in huge amounts of cold air, making his lungs burn. “I love you.” Kouyou pounded his fist into the soil. “You fucking bastard!”

Shaking, he pulled out his phone and dialed the police then hung up after telling him where they were.

Time passed slowly as he looked into Yutaka’s lifeless eyes. He continued to do so until a cop gently lifted him off the ground, enclosing him in a warm blanket. Forgetting that he had jumped into a frozen river and was probably suffering from hypothermia. 

Seeing another officer over Yutaka, he listened in to what he was saying, “Another one? There was a body down at the campus.”

Kouyou’s only thought was that Yuu’s body was the one found at the college. Closing his eyes, he felt a tear fall down his face.

“Do you have any idea how this could of happened?” A woman officer looked at him, waiting.

He imagined his face looked passive, but he said with confidence, “Suzuki Akira.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. Yup. Please don't hurt me lol. I left a lot of things hanging (like I tend to do) Sorry. Like; what happens to Akira and Kouyou? Why did Ryu possess Takanori instead of being in his own body? Did Yutaka really make everything up in his head? Or what if Yutaka really did kill his brother in cold blood and also...Taka?
> 
> DUN DUN DUN.
> 
> Yeah sorry. xP
> 
> This was basically what I had planned all along though. At least I wrote something! I was getting worried.
> 
> Comments are love <3
> 
> Also thank you to phyllisvanity for help and to leifang666 for threatening me xD


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